Today I read an old story about a man who had all his senses removed surgically so he could reach God and talk to Him. Having gone crazy, having seen and talked to dead, and having tried to kill himself the guy finally got his consciousness back and whispered: "I talked to God. He left us".


This is a story. There're not big chances it has at least anything to do with anything real but I couldn't help but get impressed. Moreover, I got stricken. There're three categories of people today. The first one includes truly religious people, people who follow the rules of God (at least try to) or just trust in Him, trying to be good people...at least as good as they think they can be. To the second one belong people who live their lives...truly live, fill them with joy and pleasure, and strive for their goals. These people fight and fail, get up and win, they lose and still keep moving. The third is just grey mass (most of people belong here, unfortunately)...these people exist - not live - they are the consumers and fill up their lives with things, not senses. Somebody with more valuable things, somebody not...but there's nothing else for them.

The third type of people I skip. I don't care of them. I don't want to care of them. Those are the first two that I am thinking about. Both of them might have the same level of life, social and material status, feeling of happiness...difficult to distinguish them. Not possible, to be honest, until they say it themselves. But there's one difference. And it's the only difference that could matter: the first ones try to live their life the way they think they should...some of the principles and rules of that life are God whispered - not desired originally by them. While the second ones...they live to live. For them there's one life and  nothing else...they learn to hear what they truly want and they do their best to fulfill those desires.

So here comes the paradox that hit me. Man from the first category is happy because he does his best and even though he might not have something he still lives to deserve the decent life after his death. He is happy because despite all problems and tragedies, despite all the losses and failures he knows that this is just a waiting room...that real life will be there, after he dies, he will find peace and forgiveness...he will find what he deserves. Even if this person is not the biggest believer, even if he doesn't follow the true path still in the worst moment of his life this faith saves him...gives him hope and brings peace to the wounded mind. While the mad from the second category doesn't think about the time after his death. Well, he does, but only mind-wise: how his  children are going to live, how his business is going to develop, how he can provide his beloved ones with comfort. He knows that tomorrow might never come, he knows he has only one life and he better does everything he wants so he wouldn't regret missed chances.

So who is happier? The first one, limiting himself somehow but believing he'll get remuneration for this afterwards or the second one, who is not limiting himself, but who still exercises his soul and mind, finding the real desires of his heart even though there's no  comfort of the possible future piece? In case God has already left us, who's more likely to regret it less?

And what if this is what will happen to us when we die - we will just lose all the senses, having been left alone in our heads with our thoughts, memories, dreams, regrets, fears...what if this is possible for all people - those who lived and died, who existed and died...and who believed and died...what to do then?